16/365 Know Love

THE QUOTE

"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."
—Forrest Gump

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
Regardless of what I do or don't know, succeed or don't succeed at, I am both proud and humbled that I know what love is. I know how to give it and I know what it has been to receive it so fully from you.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Know love. Know it not just be experiencing it or hoping for it. But KNOW it. Study it. Learn it. Practice it. Develop it. Express it. There are no greater smarts than that.

15/365 You Remain

THE QUOTE

As perfume doth remain
In the folds where it hath lain,
So the thought of you, remaining
Deeply folded in my brain,
Will not leave me: all things leave me:
You remain.
—Arthur Symons

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
You have been part of my life longer than than you haven't been a part of my life. To be precise, I have known you 56.1% of my life. In that time many things have come and gone. You remain. You are the center of my life, my time, my thoughts, my endeavors, my treasures, my hopes and my dreams. I have been singularly blessed to have had your friendship and companionship for so long.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
True love is constant. Since most things in this life are transient at best, it makes sense to invest time, effort, skills and resources into staying consistent. If you don't know how to be constant, then get coaching on how to create balance in the midst of relationship stress. There is great comfort in having relationship constancy as the safe harbor to return to from the storms of life over the decades.

14/365 Don't Hope. Decide.

THE QUOTE

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about — the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me.

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?

“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those.” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole days!”

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me.

I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

The man suddenly stopped smiling.

He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!”
—By Michael D. Hargrove and Bottom Line Underwriters, Inc. Copyright 1997

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
Well, this is a looooonnnnng quote which we call a "story". ;-) It's been one of my favorites for years I first read, reprinted, in Chicken Soup for the Soul. It has been one of the most influential stories for me personally as well as one I've shared many times with my clients and workshop participants.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Don't hope. Decide. Neither love nor greatness (nor great love) are accidental things that we can just hope will work out. Great athletes may hope to win the gold or to "take state" but none of them ever leave it up to hoping and wishing. They dedicate themselves to a choice and then practice in consistently in a disciplined fashion. Why should great love be any different. You can't get greatness on the cheap, friends.

13/365 It Isn't Luck. It's Skill

THE QUOTE

Charlie Brown kicks a football while saying, "My grampa and gramma have 
been married for 50 years."  To which his playmate replies, "They're lucky, 
aren't they?"  Charlie says, "Grampa says it isn't luck...it's skill." 

—Classic Peanuts, 9/26/01

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
I know you've worked hard on our relationship and so have I. We've studied, learned, practiced and repeated the above over and over. We've earned our relationship success and will continue to earn it. I love you for your commitment to me and to us.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
True love is a practice not an occurrence. Work hard to create greatness. Study from the masters, learn effective strategies, practice the best practices and repeat over and over and over again. Earn your relationships braggin' rights and then earn them again.

12/365 Silliness

THE QUOTE

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
—Rose Franken

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
One thing we do well is make each other laugh with our random silliness. That has always been one of your most attractive qualities
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Laugh well to relate well. Silliness is the foundation of play, laughter, connection, creativity, stress-reduction, optimism and the healing and pleasure-inducing naturally occurring mild narcotic in our brains called endorphins. Silliness also requires a certain level of intimacy where we feel safe enough to "let our guard down" and just be ourselves.

11/365 Choose Character Over Chemistry

THE QUOTE

In marriage do thou be wise:
Prefer the person before money, 

virtue before beauty, 

the mind before body;
then thou hast a wife, 

a friend, 

a companion,
a second self.
—William Penn, Fruits of Solitude

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
Well, neither of us married for money. As I remember it, I won you over with just myself and a beat up Honda Aero 80cc scooter as my greatest material possession. While you do have the beauty and the body (woo hoo!) it is truly your virtue and mind that I am most attracted to and most impressed with. I cannot imagine a better nor truer companion to spend my life with.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Choose character over chemistry. The "spark", chemistry, and feeling of love are grand and I'm all for it. However, too many relationships are based too much on those transient variables while the lacking character traits are minimized, glossed-over or ignored. In time, beauty fades for every single one of us. Chemistry comes and goes. Emotions shift like the wind. Character alone remains through thick and thin, joy and sorrow, hardship and ease.

10/365 Keep Trying

THE QUOTE

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed 
is always to try just one more time.
—Thomas Edison

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
I remember once years ago when Emily was a little girl and you and I were having a pretty heated "go 'round". She said to me, "Dad, I don't like it when you and mom fight. I'm afraid you're going to get a divorce." That surprised me, because even though we could sure irritate each other at times (to say the least sometimes!) the thought of actually ever giving up or even divorcing was never on the table. Even though I was upset with you still, it was comforting both to her and me to reassure her by speaking the truth: "Honey, you're mom and I are really mad at each other. Sometimes you and I get mad at each other, right? But we still love each other even though we're mad, right? Well your mom and I love each other even though we are mad. We would never divorce each other. Ever." It was good for her to learn that thre could b conflict and stability.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Fight for "Us": What could be more romantic than saying, "On you, I never give up. For us, I fight til the end." Edison persevered until he got it right. Hang in there. If something isn't working in the marriage, try something different, but don't get rid of the marriage.

9/365 Friendly Conversation

THE QUOTE

"When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory." 

—Friedrich Nietzsche 


THE LOVE NOTE
K—
We started out friends long before we ever dated. We then enjoyed each others company and conversation and still do over two decades later. We still haven't run out of things to talk about and don't see that coming anytime soon. You're just good to be with baby.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Focus on what matters most in partnership before the marriage and during the marriage: Friendship and respectful communication. Those last. All else comes and goes. Physical appearance, money, possessions and even children are all nice but in the beginning there's the two of you and in the end there is the two of you. Take care of it well in the middle.

FREE article: "Building Strong Families with COMMUNICATION", part of an eight part series on "Building Strong Families with ACCCTS"

8/365 Not Made, Just Reminded

THE QUOTE

I don't make you feel special, I just remind you that you are special.
—David F. Sims

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
You stand well on your own. I just like to be the one who gets to show you off.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
True love is able made up of two full people, neither of whom "make" one or the other nor "complete" the other. True love recognizes that each already is and most importantly sees the truest self in the other who truly is special, unique, wonderous and valuable.

7/365 "Fool That I Am"

THE QUOTE

I am two fools, I know,
For loving, and for saying so in
Whining poetry.
—John Donne

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
Am I cheesy with all these love notes? Go ahead, I can take it. But I can't help it. I do love you.
—J

PS: Thanks Mr. T for your pity...

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Don't be afraid to express the love you feel. For some it's uncomfortable, or not natural to them. It can be hard to say "I love you" or "Thank you" for some. Get out of your comfort zone. Be willing to be a little uncomfortable, and foolish, for love's sake.

6/365 "The Kiss"

THE QUOTE

Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun.
—Robert Herrick

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
Smooch.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Express and show affection frequently, refuse to take it for granted, renew it and make it fresh.

Picture: The Kiss, by Gustav Klimt

5/365 "Friendship at First Sight"

THE QUOTE 

Friendship at first sight, like love at first sight is said to be the only truth.
—Herman Melville

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
You've ever from the beginning and to the end been my bestest "fried".
—Poods

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Friendship is the hallmark of true love. Friends treat each other as friends. Friendship is a greater predictor of success in relationships than "chemistry" or attraction or even the all elusive "compatibility". Not friends? Behave as friend consistently until in time respect develops from consistency which opens the door for friendship to be created.

4/365 "Super Bowl Marriage"

THE QUOTE

"People are often enamored with my Super Bowl ring. But it's my wedding ring that I'm most proud of. And having a good marriage takes even more work than winning a Super Bowl."
—Trent Dilfer, Seattle Seahawks quarterback 

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
I'm not much of a sports guy, but it's good to know that we're winning the most important game.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Know what true success really is. Business, academic, and school success is wonderful. However, as David O. McKay said, "No success can compensate for failure in the home."

3/365 "The Marriage of True Minds"

THE POEM

Sonnet CXVI
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love,
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh, no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love is not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out.. even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
—William Shakespeare

THE LOVE NOTE
K—
My favorite of all of Shakespeare's sonnets. I read this at Ben and Leah's wedding. Of all the quotes and poems I could have picked for both Valentine's Day and our Anniversary there is none better than this from the master bard.
—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
True love is based in being true. Many people think of true love as a feeling or experience, and it certainly can be. True love is love that is true: True to its word; True to its vows. True love is not an extended date you go on until you are bored with the relationship. True love sticks especially when it's tough. "Love alters not... but bears it out...even to the edge of doom." Well said!

2/365 Real Friendship

THE QUOTE

"Real friendship is shown in times of trouble;

prosperity is full of friends."

—Euripedes

THE LOVE NOTE
K—

You and I have been true friends to each other in good times and bad. We never give up on each other (and for good reason—we're each awesome and we're awesomer together!). So, "Bring it!!!" is all we've said to whatever comes our way. Neither of us have time for fair-weather friends, especially when we know what real friendship is.

Love you bestie,

—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
True love is based in real friendship. Others come and go. True love stays. Not because it always feels like it, but because of choice, commitment and determination. If that doesn't equal love then I don't know what love is.

1/365 "Jenny Kissed Me"

THE POEM
Jenny Kissed Me

Jenny kissed me when we met,

Jumping from the chair she sat in;

Time, you thief, who love to get

Sweets into your list, put that in:

Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,

Say that health and wealth have missed me,

Say I'm growing old, but also add,

Jenny kissed me.

—Leigh Hunt

THE LOVE NOTE
K,

Many things pass and fade in this life and are lost. But, baby, I've had your love. I've had your kisses. And those will always be mine. No one and no thing can take that from me. "Kara kissed me." Me, do you hear, world? Me! What a great thing to say. Really. And what's even better? You still do.

Happily in love,

J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE
Don't EVER discount the small stuff in relationships. The little stuff is the big stuff. A kiss is not to be taken for granted. A kiss says so much: That you, of all people on this entire planet, and you alone, get this simple and special piece of intimacy from me. None else. Wow.